Wait

Tonight I laid on the couch and did nothing. Nearly 4 hours. Just laid there. No TV. I had the Indians radio broadcast on, but was barely hearing it. I just laid there.

This came on the heels of the Labor Day Monday from hell. I had just wrapped up the paternity leave time and I am chomping at the bit to dig back in with C3. And I have a freaking holiday. Don't get me wrong. Days off are nice. Days off with three kids, one of whom is in the completely dependent for everything phase, while also being in contract for a new place and trying to sell our current place? They are less nice.

I put the labor into Labor day. Packing boxes, sorting stuff, getting a yard sale ready for the weekend. Hustle and bustle. Meanwhile the kids were losing their ever-loving minds. Chaia is obsessed with screens. We have very limited TV and tablet times, but she thirsts for it like water. "Go play outside." "I don't want to. I want screens." She eventually gets some screen time and her go to right now? Pulling up youtube clips. Of what you might ask? Kids. Playing. Outside. Naturally. Why go enjoy a beautiful September Ohio day, when you can let someone else enjoy it for you?

Marquis is in the "I-understand-the-difference-between-right-and-wrong-and-know-the-expectations-of-me-to-do-right-but-still-choose-to-jack-the-whole-thing-up-and-purposefully-and-defiantly-choose-wrong" phase. It's one of my favorites. It is on full display with potty training. The dude is potty trained. He gets it. But he won't tell you if he has to go. "You need to go potty?" "No." "Why don't we try going potty?" "No." "Bud, there is urine coming out your eyes and ears, lets go potty." "No." Take him to the potty? Pees for days. He's still up there peeing from when I took him up there yesterday afternoon. Like a fountain.

Then there is Sloane. She's great. Two weeks old. Sleeps most of the day and and is awake most the night. That's fine if you don't have the aforementioned Watch Kids Play kid and Urine Fountain kid sleeping at night and up all day.

And then my wife. Seriously the best human in the world. Underslept. Over-depended on. Every couple of hours, basically putting a rabid dog to her boob to feast...consistently wondering if any part of her body is ever going to work again the way it did before the pregnancy.

And there I am...packing up a house...virtually by myself. I'm not pitying myself. I'm in uber-nesting-hero mode. There are tasks to be accomplished. I shall accomplish them. And after I walked past the couch where Shaina and the nocturnal spawn are sitting for about the 15th time, with boxes or tape or labels or whatever it was, my wife said the words that I needed to hear.

"Why don't you just hold your daughter?"

Damn.

Confession time. Productivity is like a drug to me. I operate off of a Get Stuff Done grid. And sitting with Sloane, taking in her little features, learning her cries and expressions and likes and dislikes? Especially during moving month? And back to work month? And big stretch for C3 month? That is the opposite of productivity. That is inactivity. It doesn't move the needle. It doesn't take the ball down the field. These are the 'virtues' I'm known for. These are the traits that people celebrate in my profession.

But the words Shaina said, the timing of which she said them, and the way she said them, not manipulatively but innocently, cut straight to the heart.

Activity is not synonymous with Productivity. In fact in the things that matter most, (Jesus said these things were "Loving the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and loving your neighbor as yourself.") activity is at times the antithesis and adversary of productivity.

We just finished a series at church called WAIT. It is one of the Bible's most important words and I was absolutely broadsided by it.

I can't love God and I can't love and be loved by others if my pace is frantic, helter skelter. I have to have margin to be. To spend time with God. To richly connect with others. Yesterday, I got the older two kids to go out and play basketball with me. We laughed and giggled and chased and tickled. There was no defiance or disobedience...just enjoyment and thrill. There was no youtube clips or video games. Nothing virtual...All reality.

And today I had my monthly haircut. I just recently made the move from the 7 minute slightly better than a bowl cut hair cut at a $10 haircut chain place to a traditional barber shop. For haircut, beard trim and neck shave (with a hot towel, please and thank you!) it is an hour experience. The dude Dave who was my barber today? As we talked and were just occupying the same space, he opened up about 3 miscarriages in the last year, about the last one nearly killing his wife, and how he is on the fence about the whole faith thing because it feels like God has abandoned him. I was able to share a bit about how I have experienced God's presence in the midst of intense suffering. It was a sweet time. I was his last cut of the day and he let it go for an hour and a half because it was good conversation.

My inactivity sometimes puts HIS productivity on full display.

He can do more in my waiting than in my doing I can do.

And the same is true for you. What would happen if one hour a day...one day a week, you replaced hustle and hurry with intentional delay and delight? What if you chose to linger in a conversation/relationship knowing full well you were sacrificing your to-do list? Don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm not saying neglect responsibility. I'm not saying be lazy and disengaged. I'm not saying netflix binge some waste of space series (you may as well watch kids playing on youtube). I'm saying rest. Rest in the liberating truth that apart from Him I can do nothing. Rest in the grace and productivity that inactivity affords us. It doesn't need done. It already has been. Pace. Space. Cadence. Rhythm.

I laid on the couch tonight with a little two week old snuggled securely into my chest. We listened to the Indians (14 in a row!) and gave mommy some space to rest and recover...one part body mind and soul...the other part food processing factory. Sloane's breathing was in sync with mine, we both phased in and out of snoozing. Nearly 4 hours.

It's the most productive thing I've done in weeks.

Where do you need to wait?