We are a week away from a day I don't fully understand.
7 days from a CT Scan that will deem whether the last ditch medical effort for Chaia is working or if the treatment is ineffective and we are out of medical options.
I'm not entirely sure how to feel. There is this certain amount of dread. Sedating the munchkin...tests, scans and exams from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. The day itself will be long.
Then the news...will it have done any significant work to reverse the calcifications in her arteries? Will the disease that has taken so much finally be managed? Will that reversal lead to bone strengthening and growing? Or will the bone issues and the brain issues and the heart issues continue to worsen?
I suppose there is a certain amount of dread and a certain amount of anxiety about this day.
But the overwhelming sense? Hope.
I keep thinking of Dumb and Dumber and how Jim Carey is told his odds of getting the girl he likes (Mary Samsonite), are probably less like 1 in 100 and more like 1 in a million. And he responds with absolute joy..."SO YOU'RE SAYING THERE'S A CHANCE!"
We realize we are on borrowed time...playing with house money. The outlook isn't great.
But at the end of the day, it will never be said of us "we had not, because we asked not."
We've bombarded the heavens...pleaded for healing...circled Ezekiel 36:26...anointed with oil...cried out...shouted...rallied...fasted.
If somehow God was unaware of our plight, you all have helped bring it to His attention.
And so? Hope.
Not because things are looking up...but precisely because they aren't.
Not because victory is in our grasp...but exactly because defeat seems immanent.
Truth is we're all on borrowed time...all playing with house money. The outlook isn't good.
But He is the God of the goner. The Lord of the Longshot. And whatever news may come...whether it is that we are out of medical options and it is likely that Chaia will pass away sooner rather than later or that the treatment is working and all systems are bouncing back...there is whisper in the echoes of the heavens that says there is still the shot at a miracle by the God who makes blind eyes see. The shot at God's fame and glory and beauty bursting through what was dead, broken and written off.
"SO YOU'RE SAYING THERE'S A CHANCE!"
Whether it is seeing a stony heart made into flesh in a little girl or seeing a broken life, marriage, or faith restored, if it's a longshot with Jesus?
I like the odds.