We haven't been this 'down' in a long while. Chaia's care is unrelenting. Her feeding issues remain very troublesome. We are weary.
So this morning after a pretty hard night, I do the study for C3 out of Genesis for the day. It's Abraham and Isaac...and it reminded me of this post from our 2nd month in the hospital. And it reminded me to REMEMBER...
To never doubt in the dark what God has made clear in the light.
So here's the word of the day for me...from me 14 months ago.
Abraham waited 25 years for God to come through on what He said He would do.
Father of a nation...a blessed nation...only problem was Sarah was barren.
Granted he tried to take matters into his own hands a few times...but 25 years later...finally Isaac. Finally the promise could begin to be filled.
And then Genesis 22.
Isaac is a young man by now. Maybe pre-teen or teen. And God calls Abraham to sacrifice his son. Sacrifice the promise. Sacrifice the thing that was 25 years in the making. Sacrifice his future.
I know I have hopes and dreams for Chaia's life. For her future. Some are selfish (like I think she has a legitimate shot at the LPGA if I begin working with her now :-) ) Some are deeply spiritual.
I see Daddy-Daughter Dates. I see me coaching her softball teams. I see us praying every night together. I see her surrendering her life in signficant ways to serve and love God. I see me taking her in my arm down the aisle on her big day and kissing her and handing her off to a man of God. I see so many things big and small of this little life. And I think of the joys of those things coming to fruition. And all I can think is WHAT CAN BE BETTER THAN THIS!?
And now our future with her is very much unknown and up in the air.
God hears my question: "What can be better than this?" And He answers, "ME."
And what I'm realizing is that God doesn't just want us to offer up our past. He wants us to offer up our future as well. My hopes and dreams for Chaia must never become something that steals my affections from Jesus. That is idolatry.
Abraham had everything he had waited his entire lifetime for. And God leads him to offer it as a sacrifice.
Be sure of this. God wants everything in you to find its satisfaction in Him. Not in ambition. Not in dreams. Not in children. Not in hopes. He is the point. He is the reward. And so if Abraham had to give up Isaac, it was going to be ok because God was worth it.
And if we have to give up Chaia, it is going to be ok because God is worth it.
Now at the last moment, Isaac was spared by God's grace and intervention. Chaia's story remains to unfold. We love her immensely and pray for her healing. But one thing is certain. Our future and her future are in His hands.
We want Chaia. But we want God more.
Abraham's story is our story.
And its your story too.
Do you have more desire for the promises or the Promise Giver?