Been down with a stomach bug as a family since December 21. Shaina first. Chaia second. Me third. And while Shaina and I are on the mend, Chaia is still struggling.
This is where parenting this little miracle gets complicated.
She is running a fever. Will that impact her heart?
She has cold hands. Is that her heart failing to get blood flow to her extremities?
She hasn't rebounded like we have. Is that because her heart can't do what it needs to?
And fear creeps in. Hospital? Heart Failure? Heartache?
We can't do this again. Not the hospital. Not suffering. Not needles, tests, labs, procedures. We can't sit and wait for fate to take its course in a hospital bed again. We can't do this again as a family. We can't make the impossible decisions associated with this.
Then God speaks to the fear:
"Be strong and courageous, for the Lord your God is with you where ever you may go." (Joshua 1:9)
And it becomes clearer...
You can't understand where you're at until you've learned from where you've been.
Last Christmas we were stuck in a hospital.
We made the best of it we could...but we weren't home...things weren't the way they were supposed to be. But you guys prayed...and even though this Christmas wasn't how we would've scripted it either...
we are home. No hospitals. No R2D2's. No doctors or nurses (no offense doctors and nurses...we like you...we just like seeing you much less frequently!)
The place where my deepest fear and the depths of God's Word meet is the place where life can be forever changed or faith can be forever crippled.
She is still not ours.
Never has been.
So as someone more intelligent and more eloquent than me once said, "Never doubt in the dark what God has shown you in the light."
He has shown us that He is the giver of LIFE.
Shown us that hearts of stone can become hearts of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26)
Shown us that even in suffering His fame and goodness can be on display.
Shown us that He is in control. That He is God and we are not.
Shown us that He is worthy of our affections.
So today, may each of us remember that where God has shown up in our lives in the past, is a good indication of where He will take us in the future.