I never knew I could love so much, until the day I felt your touch...
What an amazing thing it is to be a mother. You dream of it growing up. You plan for it and imagine what it's like. Then they come and it is everything and at the same time nothing you thought it would be. The joy, the love and yes, the hormones! It's almost unexplainable this love, this new love. Amazing! Nothing prepares you for it. It takes your breath away. The small cries, the soft skin, the little features, the warmth of this little bundle nestled into you. Who would have thought something so special could belong to you? You soon realize that they don't. They don't belong to you at all.
I can remember the day we found out we were going to have a baby. I prayed that very day that the Lord would use him or her for His glory. I remember the night she was born. I prayed that the Lord would use her for His glory. I remember the first night home. I prayed that the Lord would use her for His glory. Every night as I would rock this sweet child to sleep, kiss her on the top of her head full of hair, rub my cheek against hers, and then ever so gently lay her down, I asked the Lord to take her and use her as He saw fit. Little did I know that He had some big plans for her!
I hope you don't mind that I am hijacking Ben's blog to share my heart with you tonight. What a mess of emotions a mother's heart has through this! I never thought there would ever be a time where someone looked me in the eyes and told me I couldn't hold my baby. What feelings go through your heart and soul as you watch helplessly! Fear, sadness, worry, uncertainty, yet...hope. Hope in God. Hope in a God that has offered peace, joy and rest in a time of trial. Hope in a God who is holding my baby in His arms even though I can't. Hope in a God that has crushed death and promises eternity to all who would bow humbly before Him with all that they are!
That's the beauty of this whole thing! Death has been crushed and our Chaia Joy has that on her side! There is no abnormal DNA that God didn't know about! There is no calcification He isn't able to dissolve! There isn't any heart He is not able to fully restore! So no matter what each day brings...good or bad...I will continue to pray that same prayer. Through the tears, the many many tears, and through the smiles and laughter, I will remember to pray that same prayer...She is YOURS. Bring YOUR name glory.
Life is ours for the taking, but what will we choose? This short, brief moment here on Earth, or an eternity with our Father in Heaven? You see, Chaia is not mine. I am her mother yes, but her Heavenly Father has big plans for her. Maybe here with us, but maybe there with Him. Time will tell, but until then...Lord, she is yours. Chaia, we love you little girl, and Lord, we love you more!
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12
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