Parenting for Dummies Part Three

Read PFD One
Read PFD Two


"No parent should have to bury their own child."

I've heard that said to grieving parents.

I've said that to grieving parents.

Something just donned on me this week. This isn't helpful. And its not true.

I understand the sentiment. What parent would ever want their child to precede them in death? That is an absolutely painful experience.

But as Chaia has teetered on the edge of life and death over the past almost 3 months, I've found a variety of thoughts and emotions going through my head and in my heart.

One of them has been around this thought, that no parent should have to do what we might have to do. No parent should have to go through what we're going through.

And that line of thinking takes me down a path that is very selfish and very belittling to God.

Here's why:

We rebelled. Adam. Eve. You. Me. Fractured relationship with God, because we thought God was slighting us or holding out on us with the whole fruit and tree fiasco. Sin changed everything.

Sin leaves us, things, the world...broken.

Kids are going to die. Because things aren't right. Tragedy is going to strike, because our sin has left a big 'as-is' tag on the world. Storms will come, because we chose to let rain be in the forecast.

So we make the bed, then shake our fist at God when we have to sleep in it.

And so I feel the same story of entitlement come to the surface in parenting. No parent should have to go down this road? Then, God must be slighting us or holding out on us. And my 'why God?' becomes some sort of defiant, entitled, idolatrous questioning...rather than a question that leads us to worship God in deeper waters.

So Chaia may die. Today, tomorrow, in a week, in a month, in a year, in a century. Your kid may die, too.

And perhaps before that, parenting will turn out a million ways like you didn't expect. Your kids will fall, fail and flee when you hoped they would stand, succeed and stay.

So you and I can play the victim...or worse, let our kids play the victim. And refuse to see God for who He really is.

Or we can enter in the the Grand Story that God is telling.

That He saw the 'As-Is' sticker on our world and each of our hearts, and He said "I'll pay double." And bought us with a price.

That in the midst of our deepest pain, sorrow and brokeness, He came near.

That in a world that had chosen to reject Him in the beginning, He would send a rescuer.

That the only one who has a right to file a claim in the complaint department about having to bury a child, is the One who loved us so much that He sent that child to the cross on our behalf.

That you are not your own.

That your child is not your own.

That we are His.

And that changes everything.