First, Chaia has had a rough day. She was heading pretty assuredly toward re-intubation which is not great. But there is silver-lining in that...she was heading there because her respiratory system was failing...not her cardiac system...so her heart is ok right now. And because of that we can re-intubate if necessary.
But, they took some tests at 7 p.m. and the results were markedly turned toward the positive, so now we are holding off until the next round of tests at 1 a.m. to see if they think she can continue to battle on her own.
Second. Chaia is not ours. She is a gift. I mean that. It is God who gives life. So the work of parenting is pretty simple. If you commit yourself to the primary work of parenting, you will do well for yourself and for your kids.
Your primary work as a parent isn't friendship. You'll never be cool. You're old.
Your primary work as a parent isn't success. Even if they make great money, they won't give it back to you anyways...Because you're not cool and you're old.
Your primary work as a parent isn't to make them responsible adults. There's no such thing...just a bunch of posers who'd rather be playing with Legos.
Your primary work as a parent isn't "to give them every chance you never had." If you are doing that with your kid...everyone else around your kid hates your kid and hates you for spoiling your kid. (Learn to say "no")
Your primary work as a parent isn't any of these things...Instead it is STEWARDSHIP. In fact your whole life's work should be an act of stewardship. God gifts you with children, with money, with that breath you just took, with friends, with family, with food, with opportunities...and the whole point of those gifts is that you might let them roll right back up to God in thanksgiving and glory.
But in our brokeness, we take these things and distort them...and instead of rolling them back up to the giftgiver, we turn them inward toward ourselves. So money isn't stewarded...it turns into greed and consumerism. Food isn't stewarded...it turns into gluttony or apathy. Children aren't stewarded...they are turned into idols we live vicariously through.
I wrote Chaia a letter the other day before her extubation and I just remember this line that jumped off the pages of my heart. "Your mom and I love you so much...more than words can describe...but we don't love you THAT MUCH. So much that we would make you the center of our lives. So much that we would gain you and lose our souls. So much that you could become an idol. We don’t love you that much, and it is the greatest gift we can give you."
Chaia isn't, wasn't and will never be ours. She is a gift and she belongs to God.
That is what it means to follow Christ...to turn everything about our lives to Him in worship...no matter the cost.
It's better that way. With all that is in us, we know this to be true.