Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Night I Saved My Family

The Following is two versions of the same story. It is difficult to ascertain the precise truth of what took place.

Version One

Friday night, Ben told me that he thought he saw a bat flying in the dining room. I didn't believe him, that is until I saw it Saturday evening from the kitchen. The poor little guy looked terrified and couldn't have been more than a baby or toddler aged/sized bat. Ben put his gloves on, grabbed one of my mixing bowls with its lid and went to the dining room, only to give up on it after about 2 minutes. He returned to the kitchen and I went in to be with Chaia in the Living Room. Just a few minutes later, the bat appeared again, this time in with us. I screamed for Ben to come quickly. He came only after he had redressed himself in gloves and rearmed himself with my mixing bowl. The tiny, exhausted and terrified bat was resting on the living room wall, leaving ample time for Ben to make his move, only he hesitated and the bat started flying again, which queued Ben hitting the deck and holding the bowl above his head hoping the little guy would land in it and preferably put the lid on over himself as well. No such luck. Ben then let it escape the living room and fly upstairs. By this time the bat was beyond exhausted and Ben was able to capture it on the bathroom window without even a fight. He released it out into the wild and we continued on with our night.

Version 2:
It started on Friday night, when a treacherous creature that mimicked a pteradactyl in both size and noise came swooping into our dining room. Shaina was upstairs, so it was up to me to protect Chaia from the obviously fierce predator. I did so successfully. I shared our encounter with me lady, who doubted my truthfulness and suggested I merely mistook a tiny moth for something more.

Then Saturday came and the foul beast reappeared, this time first to me lady's sight. She fainted in the kitchen, at which I swept her into my arms, with oven mitt on one hand and frying pan in the other. I knew it was my duty to ensure her safety. I armed myself with the most basic of neccessities and entered the dining room for battle. The beast, though fierce and aggressive was also crafty and stealth. No where to be found. I moved a rubbermaid container, only to find the most gargantuan of spiders (think the queen beast from Arachniphobia crossed with Dumbo). This frightening creature was no match for my ingenuity and courage. I captured it in the mixing bowl and shook the bowl hard enough to crush the venomous enemy. Then it was time to return to the beast that I was destined to encounter.

I discovered that while I intended to have a solitary duel, the beast had other intentions, namely to take the lives of my woman and child in hopes of crushing my spirit. I entered the living room, just in time to ward of the diving attempts of taking my first born. After an intense back and forth, I was able to force the savage blood sucker away from my loves and into another chamber. After defying death, repeatedly, I was able to surprise the evil vampire and capture it in the titanium plated mixing bowl. As I returned downstairs with my foe captured and my own body unscaithed, Shaina again fainted at the sheer bravery of my conquest. Chaia said her first word, "Dadda" and after taming the beast, I released it back into the wild, knowing it would never ever seek a conflict with me again.

And that is how we spend our Saturday night.


Jackie Thompson said...

good job "dadda", Version two was much more convincing

Becky said...

I might just go into labor after reading this - thanks for a good laugh. Although I'm sure not as funny when it was happening I can just imagine you two dueling the fierce beast and laughing the entire way through it. Too funny but so glad you were able to get him out without damaging yourselves, the house or the bat! Love you guys!