Monday, December 15, 2014

The Not Knowing

Well...we started our trip to the NIH in Bethesda, Maryland with a kid screaming on a plane during boarding.

It was our kid.

We ended the week in Columbus airport at around 11 pm Friday night with a kid hurling in the airport hallway.

Also our kid.

The kicker is that these probably weren't the low points of the trip.

Chaia had a series of imaging/xrays/echos that she was slated for in order for us to have a better picture of her overall health...(how her bones are her heart is her pseudo tumor is doing...etc.)

She successfully flailed and screamed her way out of literally every single test. Inconclusive results across the board.

On top of that, Chaia and I had we were in low level quarantine, which included a move from the Children's Inn to a hotel.

Not exactly the week we anticipated.

So more of this story is grounded in the not knowing.

We used to hate that place. Why aren't their answers? Why can't you say for sure? Why don't we know?

Now we're ok there. Can't fully explain it, but maybe the biggest moment in this for me was finding peace in the not knowing.

God has this. And there's actually a sense of hope and joy and peace that can explode ever so subtly on the scene when we embrace the not knowing.

We've been off the track in regards to the scientifically verifiable...cold hard facts...for awhile now.

And the not knowing actually seems to be adding life rather than taking it away.

So...all things considered, a week of screaming and flailing has left us not knowing.

But He is faithful. His orchestration is magnificent. His timing impeccable. And His yoke light.

And His fingerprint is all over our story.

And if you'd stop the striving and the stressing for a minute, you might see it all over your story too.

There's glory in the not knowing.

This I KNOW for sure.

1 comment:

Didi McCune said...

Sorry to hear the testing was difficult for Chai. And that Ben and Chai didn't feel well. But am so happy to hear the positive that comes from the not knowing. God has this for sure.