There was a moment that has honestly bothered me more than it should. Was sitting in a prayer meeting a few years ago and a gentleman came to the door of the prayer meeting and one of the pray-ers got up and met him in the hallway. He said he needed to talk to one of the pastors.
The pray-er responded, "Ben is here."
To which the response was, "He's not a pastor."
That cut. Can I be honest? Yes. Yes I can...its my blog.
The thing I am called to. The thing I went to school for seven years for. The thing I've poured myself into. The thing I'm giving my life to and it got disregarded in four words. Because I didn't have an ordination certificate?
It's petty. But it cut.
It was a silly moment...But it cut.
It brought up this wicked thing in my heart that resurfaces quite often as God tries to redeem it. This incessant need to prove myself to others...prove my worth.
And it was in that moment of anger and defensiveness, that God whispered.
It was the most freeing moment of my life in ministry. I may not ever fit the mold. I may not ever meet others' credentials. I may fall short of their expectations. I will fail.
But I'm called.
The temptation to believe a lie that had cut at my heart and my identity was replaced by the still small voice of God, pushing dark back with light.
(For what it's worth, as of 12/12/12, I am also ordained...so take that gentleman in the hallway!)
But the point I'm making is that there is a moment waiting for you. Where the culmination of your fears and insecurities...the totality of your shortfalls and failures...the pile of your sin and sadness is met with the still small voice of God.
"You're my daughter."
"You're not guilty any more."
"You are free."
"The worst thing isn't the last thing"
"You don't have to do this anymore."
"Your past doesn't define you...I do"
"My grace is sufficient for you."
"Well done, good and faithful servant."
Whatever it is for you, dig out your ears and listen...
Because this is the moment you've been waiting for.
Because change starts here.