Wednesday, November 2, 2011

A Mama's Heart


I never knew I could love so much, until the day I felt your touch...

What an amazing thing it is to be a mother. You dream of it growing up. You plan for it and imagine what it's like. Then they come and it is everything and at the same time nothing you thought it would be. The joy, the love and yes, the hormones! It's almost unexplainable this love, this new love. Amazing! Nothing prepares you for it. It takes your breath away. The small cries, the soft skin, the little features, the warmth of this little bundle nestled into you. Who would have thought something so special could belong to you? You soon realize that they don't. They don't belong to you at all.

I can remember the day we found out we were going to have a baby. I prayed that very day that the Lord would use him or her for His glory. I remember the night she was born. I prayed that the Lord would use her for His glory. I remember the first night home. I prayed that the Lord would use her for His glory. Every night as I would rock this sweet child to sleep, kiss her on the top of her head full of hair, rub my cheek against hers, and then ever so gently lay her down, I asked the Lord to take her and use her as He saw fit. Little did I know that He had some big plans for her!

I hope you don't mind that I am hijacking Ben's blog to share my heart with you tonight. What a mess of emotions a mother's heart has through this! I never thought there would ever be a time where someone looked me in the eyes and told me I couldn't hold my baby. What feelings go through your heart and soul as you watch helplessly! Fear, sadness, worry, uncertainty, yet...hope. Hope in God. Hope in a God that has offered peace, joy and rest in a time of trial. Hope in a God who is holding my baby in His arms even though I can't. Hope in a God that has crushed death and promises eternity to all who would bow humbly before Him with all that they are!

That's the beauty of this whole thing! Death has been crushed and our Chaia Joy has that on her side! There is no abnormal DNA that God didn't know about! There is no calcification He isn't able to dissolve! There isn't any heart He is not able to fully restore! So no matter what each day brings...good or bad...I will continue to pray that same prayer. Through the tears, the many many tears, and through the smiles and laughter, I will remember to pray that same prayer...She is YOURS. Bring YOUR name glory.

Life is ours for the taking, but what will we choose? This short, brief moment here on Earth, or an eternity with our Father in Heaven? You see, Chaia is not mine. I am her mother yes, but her Heavenly Father has big plans for her. Maybe here with us, but maybe there with Him. Time will tell, but until then...Lord, she is yours. Chaia, we love you little girl, and Lord, we love you more!

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

What Beautiful words..God bless you all.Prayers are strong tonight here in Kentucky.

Blaireli said...

Keeping your precious girl in our thoughts and prayers. <3

Anonymous said...

Wonderfully said :). A mother's love is definitely a special love, understood only upon becoming a mother. Thanks be to God that you have been given the experience of having,caring for,and loving Chaia Joy, a child of God.

Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

May God continue to bless you, Ben and Chaia Joy with His presence, comfort,strength,hope,peace and joy.

Larry Peterson said...

LIKE.

Jackie Thompson said...

Beautiful...my prayers go to all of you.
Love, Mom

Anonymous said...

Wow I don't know how how that could have been said any better! What a testimony you guys have been for thousands of us! I wanted to share I have been a Jesus follower for years now but you have opened a new door for me. My heart has been "pricked" and my eyes opened to a more intimate relationship with Christ! So thank you for sharing your hearts with us! We love you!

Anonymous said...

WOW!!! You guys are amazing, Mom, Dad, and Chaia! God is amazing!!!
Prayers to all to continue the healing! Jack too!

crystal said...

Beautiful! Agree motherhoood opens your eyes to a love u never imagined. Continuing to pray for your beautiful Angel! God Bless

Anonymous said...

Wow, Ben...and I thought YOU were amazing...I didn't know 1/2 about the other 1/2! :) As a mother of 6 children - I am even more amazed with your strength and fortitude and am so thankful that you both have witnessed to an 'experienced' mother better than anyone else has! Your little Chaia is continually in my and many others prayers. God has been glorified well beyond what even you could have imagined as He knit this little one! Blessings for a great day!

Courtney said...

Shaina, you have touched my heart in so many ways. You are so beautiful. And there is no doubt that the Lord is using Chaia, and her parents for HIs glory...every minute of the day, in the tears, in the joys, in the honesty of what you are experiencing and how you are obediently trusting and hoping in Him. Thank you for hijacking the blog. What a precious treasure we have in your words.

Anonymous said...

You put into words the thoughts of mothers everywhere. How can a love so strong sweep over us so quickly? And yet, God loves our children even more than that! Hard to take in. Thank you for sharing your feelings so openly and for always glorifying God in all you say and do. God is indeed using Chaia for His glory.
Love, the McGurks

Anonymous said...

Amen Mom.

Joanne Sadlon said...

Ditto the McGurks!

My Bible study for tonight is The Exodus: 14:14 'The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to keep still.’

He already knows your wants and needs and fears and joys. Let's all just be still today and listen.

Debra Lenthe said...

Shaina, You still look even more angelic to go along with your angel voice. Precious Chaia will also be an angel in your heart of hearts. Becoming a mother changes your outlook for the rest of your life. Prayers out to all of you and continued vigil for recovery with less sadness. Love and prayers,Debra Lenthe

Cathy said...

Wow Shaina, your words have touched my heart. I have 4 children and know they are not mine that God has blessed me with his children. Thank you for sharing your heart...

Mama Karen said...

Shaina, Thanks for sharing a part of your heart with us! Beautiful words from a beautiful mother! Thanks for keeping our focus that our children are not our own; that they have always been His! Continually lifting you, Ben and Chaia up to the Father! Your faith has caused my faith to increase! Thank you! Hugs!!

Karen Price, Lancaster, OH

Anonymous said...

Praying for you all in France. God bless all of you!

Steph said...

Thank you for sharing your heart Shaina. We continue to petition God on Chaia's behalf. We know he is able and we praise him for the ways he's already moved. I'm praying in the days to come you'll be able to hold her more and more. We don't know you personally, but we love you and we're privileged to journey with you through prayer.

Lord God, strengthen this Mother. Overwhelm her with your love and be so close to her that she can hear your heart. Give her what she needs to carry on. Bless her by restoring her baby to her arms. We love you Lord, you are able mighty God.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing! Prayers never ceasing!

Maryann =)

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful "Mama's Heart!" Thanks for sharing. Glory be to our Father.

MamaMarty said...

Thank you Shaina for hijacking the blog. You have put into words my thoughts since that day many years ago that I became a mother. May God bless you on this most blessed journey of motherhood.

Anonymous said...

That was beautifully written, Shaina!
Becky Gross

Anonymous said...

What an amazing family and faith in God. I have learned so much from this blog. Thank you for sharing your lives and your faith.

Gramma2u2 said...

Bless your heart. She is a doll baby and I am so happy that she is having a good day. I am praying for many more to come for you all.

Anonymous said...

Shaina, your words took me back to the hopes and dreams that I had for my daughter when she was a baby. She is now grown with a child of her own and as I look back I realize that I cheated her by not encouraging her to focus on God. While I have grown as a Christian I have not lead her down that path with me. Now that she has grown up I find it uncomfortable to share my beliefs with her. I vow today to use every opportunity to tell her of the joy and peace that God has given me so that she might become stronger in her faith and then share this strength with my grandchild. Thank you for the words of wisdom that you and Ben have shared with so many during this time of incredible struggle in your lives. I hope this post leads other parents to reach out to their children no matter what their current relationship is and realize that now is the time for us to swallow our pride and take responsibility for the spiritual lives of the children that God gave us. Deuteronomy 4:9-10 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Remember the day you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, when he said to me, “Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.”
My prayers today are with you and parents everywhere.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for taking over Ben's blog, Shaina. LOL Not that we don't love reading his comments, but it's awesome hearing from you! A mother's love is like no other. You both have the faith of Abraham and it's an inspiration. I pray God will renew your strength each and every day. Praying for all of you. <3 The McCune's in Smithville, OH