Monday, October 31, 2011
John 11...When the tears fall.
It's something like day 37 of this 'new normal' of life in the hospital. We've shared a lot of the highs and lows in this process. Lots of pictures from Chaia's good days. Bumblebee pictures that melt your heart...unless you don't have a soul.
But let me be honest. Some days you just feel as if you will be swallowed up. Today was one of those days. And it is strange, because Chaia had a relatively good day. But, here we sit, feeling sadness. Thick, tangible, consuming sadness.
It isn't because we're hopeless. I have all my hope set on Jesus and what He is doing.
It isn't because Chaia is losing. She is actually doing surprisingly well.
It isn't because our faith is slipping. It isn't because we are caught in sin.
It is simply because things are not right. And it makes for some very sad moments. We spend our day in a room where a little one suffers and battles for her life, on a floor where many others are doing the same thing. Some make it. Some don't.
Sadness is ok. Because things are not right. And this is sad.
I've thought of John 11 quite a bit in this journey. The story of Lazarus dying and Jesus defying everyone's expectations, the disciples, Mary and Martha, the Jewish onlookers...And even though Jesus does something astonishing at the end of the chapter, he first enters into the sadness. He weeps. Lazarus is dead and it is sad.
Chaia is sick and it is sad. Jack is sick and it is sad. Justin and Malachi and Breanna and Chase and Garrett and Odin...sad.
I think I've shied away from the sadness in sharing this journey on the blog. Not sure if it is out of guilt or trying to remain hopeful or upbeat...or something else...but here is the reality. This is sad and that is okay.
When we enter into the sadness...when we engage the heartwrenching pain...it is where Jesus often meets us and rolls away the stones.
Time and time again. God shows up in the saddest of situations in the Bible. And He puts His glory on display.
He is doing that in the PICU at the Cleveland Clinic.
And He will do it with your life as well. Just enter into the sadness and ask Jesus to roll away the stones.