I've seen my little 3 month old get poked by at least 50 needles today (not hyperbole). In her heels In her hands. In her wrists. In her head. In her groin. Repeatedly...Poked. Prodded.
I've heard Chaia scream in pain with decibel levels and octave ranges I've never heard from her before.
I've seen her get life flighted from Orrville to Akron Childrens Hospital.
(Little Bitter that she has that knocked off her bucket list before me...the helicopter...not the life flight)
I'm staring at her in the PICU right now with more cords, IVs, drugs, monitors and blood than one kid should have in a life time.
I saw one hospital staff spend over an hour trying to get a line fed through her artery and then give up.
There's been talks of pneumonia, pulmonary edema, heart defects, enlarged hearts.
And in all these circumstances a still small voice speaks to the depths of my heart: DO YOU TRUST ME?
Do I trust that God can heal her if He wants to bring His name glory?
Do I trust that God can let her go if He wants to bring His name glory?
Do I trust that God has what is best for Shaina and I, even in the midst of one of the hardest days we've been through as a family?
We had a time of prayer with some friends and family who came this evening and Shaina's sister shared from Psalm 91...I'm stuck on the first two verses. "You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of the Almighty will say to the Lord, 'My refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust."
Shelter and refuge have a direct correlation to abiding and trusting.
The question haunts me tonight as we try to rest.
And it haunts you too, in every circumstance and situation:
Do you trust me?
3 comments:
Ben, Shaina and Little Chaia...I am reading this at 3am and tears are streaming down my face...
I am so sorry that you are in this situation with your beautiful little "firstborn". And thanking God that your "gratefulness" is THERE in spite of your pain. This, I would say IS the greatest form of trust, to trust that HE knows what is best for us through OUR children-I can't even imagine, yet the Bible speaks volumes about it and YOU ALL are LIVING IT.
I am elated to hear the news that the worse things are ruled out and praying for her strength to get her thru this!!! GOD IS INDEED GOOD!!!!
My prayers and thoughts are WITH YOU ALL.....Love, Debbi Yoders and Family...
Ben, Shaina, and Chaia,
I just wanted to let you know that I am keeping you all in my prayers. The ladies at bible study are doing the same. If there is anything at all you need just let us know.
Tammy Yoder
When the world utters a vain, "oh my god", we rally with, "my God, in whom I trust!" praying for your family and trusting alongside of you in your journey!
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